Hi, I just wanted to let you know who I am. Really.

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I’m Renayle. It rhymes with Chanel. Don’t let the atrocities of Coco Chanel deter you from pronouncing my name right.

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I’m not sure why I mentioned that. Perhaps to be fair to all? To be liked and not get hate mail directed at me? Because yes?

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I am a Chicago girl born and raised. Southside. Whitney Young Magnet High School graduate, fellow alum of Michelle Obama. I will forever reference that when someone asks me what school I want to. High school. College was Columbia College Chicago, home to a bunch of people also. Lena Waithe, Bob Odenkirk, and more.

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I’m perpetually tired. I hate perimenopause. One minute I’m roaring with energy and ready to fuck shit up, next I’m sad looking at a photograph. “LOOK AT THIS PHOTOGRAPH,” I think as the Nickelback song comes on in my head. I don’t like Nickelback, but they were everywhere in my youth, so here we are.

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I am an 80’s baby and all of my formative years were arguing with friends about which boy band was the best. If you say anyone else besides N’SYNC, then leave this page now.

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I swear a lot. Or not enough. Or sometimes all the time.

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I am currently living with my mom and sister because who wants to live with a cheating spouse? Who just stopped caring like a goddam light switch? I fucking hate it here. Not HERE, my family is great, and I appreciate them immensely. I hate that at my lowest point, he abandons me. Yes, I know that he wasn’t meant for me, and yeah, I should paid attention to my intuition years, DECADES ago, but I didn’t. Could be laziness, or fear. Probably fear.

Fear has been holding me back.

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I feared leaving my family to go to college in Florida, feared leaving my family (again) to take a sports writing job in Iowa, feared starting any kind of business because it wasn’t “stable” or a “regular 9-5,” fear of being out on my own because of those words whispered to me all my life. And now? I have to do shit scared. I lost my original anchor, and I don’t want to have my mom continue to support an adult 43-year-old. She shouldn’t have to. I wanted to support her, not the other way around.

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So, this is where the blog came about. I've had so many blogs. Pen to the Paper. Something about sports, I think it was called That Sports Chick or whatnot. Ah, the fun times of the internet when I could have established myself and gotten far.

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But life is funny in that way, because it reflects who you are. And I’m a procrastinator.

Sure, I have bouts of wanting to create and getting excited to do so, then fizz out like Pepsi Clear. (If you don’t know, you’re too young and please leave. No, stay.)

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Why is this different? Because I’m fucking scared now. When you lose your safety net, you panic, but then you find a creative genius spot and fucking go with it.

So, I’m back doing what I’ve loved to do since I was a kid: write.

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This is a journey to actually doing what I love, and getting paid for it. No tin a sleazy, marketing way. In a way that says “I’m tired of working for someone else, I have a passion/talent/gift, and I need to nurture that and allow it to grow. And in the process, help you along the way to tapping into your passion and finally pivoting to your dreamy, best life.

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It’s gonna be messy. It’s gonna be raw. That's where I’ve been tripped up. Do I express myself all the way, part of the way, no way? And the answer is to just fucking show up. I’ll decide how pretty or messy it gets as I go along.

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I also wondered if I could bring value. And it’s like DUH. I’m coming out of a marriage, I am in debt (we’ll get into that topic later), working part-time because full-time gave me a full-blown panic attack, and barely scarping by living with her mom and sister. Oh, and perimenopause to top it all off deliciously. Yay. Someone out there is struggling as well, and think “fuck, I feel this.” So, I’ll be the one to say it, to put it out there.

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My goal is for you to not only nod your head because you get what I’m throwing down, but with actionable things I give you, you can be brave enough to go for it. Oh, you’ll still be scared, but you’re still gonna so it.

And now, here’s random shit about me to get it out of the way:

1. I can wiggle my nose like a rabbit.
2. I watch wrestling. Like, we can debate all the merits if you’d like. I’ll go first: this John Cena heel turn is one of the worst things ever.
3. I watch sports, but not in an obsessive way that I used to. Maybe cause they got soft in basketball, and no one really charges. Well, football I’m all in.
4. I just realized how many things are tied into being in a relationship. I watched Fantastic Four: First Steps, and it was the first Marvel movie I didn’t see with my husband. And I won’t watch anymore wrestling things with him or sports or anything. See!!! This shit COMES IN WAVES AND IT’S FUCKING ANNOYING.
5. I am however, under 200 pounds. I’ve been working with a trainer and I’m getting stronger and getting more badass. (I want to punch my soon to be ex in his dick. I’m not at the forgiving phase of grief.)
6. I’ve enjoyed being part of the community of fitness people. I need to get out more and find people. I’m excitedly terrified about that, because I am an introvert to the core. And you’re asking me to go and do things. Like watching SummerSlam (another wrestling PPV) with my ex-boyfriend and a bunch of his friends.
7. Oh, I’ve been friends with my ex-boyfriend for over 20 years. It’s nice when you find someone who breaks up with you and doesn’t make you hate them. I was sad, but in the grand scheme of things, I’m so glad he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
8. I got my first phone at the Taste of Chicago, I wanna say 1999. A flip phone by Motorola. They had a booth, and I signed up cause I had a job and a credit card then and that started my shopping spiral I’ll never recover from.
9. My debt is nearly $70,000. I told you I'd get back to that. Half is student loans because they haunt you forever. The other ¼ is my car, and the last ¼ is credit card debt. The American nightmare. Not Cody Rhodes.
10. Cody Rhodes is a handsome man btw, in that sleek handsome way. But Drew McIntyre puts him to shame. Like, FOR REAL. A blue eyed, tall, muscular Scottish man? Swoon. So, that’s my current crush. That and fellow Scottish wrestler joe Hendry. Is it crazy for me to talk about these here? Is it NOT CRAZY?!
11. My sister and I are 17 years apart. She’s sweet and kind and I want to protect her with all my might. My mom says I’m mom #2 and that is extremely accurate. I want her to be able to go through life with no worries. I’ll cut a bitch if I have to if they upset her. No, I don’t have rage, why do you ask?
12. I’m glad you’re reading all of this, I think. I don’t put ketchup on hotdogs, or anywhere. Ketchup is for people who can’t tolerate mild salsa. This is also my separated spouse. This is a weak ass man I carried around for years. Yes, I have rage, thank you for noticing.
13. I wanna write books and speak at places and live a life of riches and no cares. To just simply live luxurious without having to do much. But I kinda have to do a little bit.
14. Except when my bestie asks me if I wanna do something. Up until I moved out, I was down to just jump and do stuff the same day. We also have a tendency to makes a plan and sort of work the details out like minutes before or the day of. LOL we go with the flow. She’s the only one that helps me come out of my shell.
15. I have tinctures, supplements, and stretches I have in my daily life. Why am I old?
16. But my face card will NEVER DECLINE. Besides the gray hairs, I barely look 30. I love it. My grandparents are centenarians. My granddad lived to be 104, and my grandma is 100. I STAY BLESSED.
17. Speaking of blessed, I do believe in God, but not in the idea of a church. I just never liked having to go to a place every Sunday and say hi to the person on your left and right and the whole schedule of service. Then congregate afterwards. Maybe I just wanted to be lazy and sleep in. Or that it felt weird to just always really be “on.” I don’t know.
18. I also believe in astrology and practice tarot readings for myself. Libra sun, Leo moon, Sag rising. Venus in Scorpio and so is Uranus. (thus, the name of my blog, My Uranus Opposition). Heavy on the Libra placements, so I really want peace. I’m not that hard to handle. Just love me and give my things and give me space and read my mind to know what I need at the precise time. Duh.
19. I build Legos and puzzles and slowly got back into crocheting again. It’s a great way to use my hands and it helps me forget that the world outside sucks balls.
20. My mom might read this. Oh well. I love her to pieces. I hate Multiple Sclerosis, which is what she has. Sigh.
21. I have a crush on my chiropractor. That's all.
22. I remember dial-up, creating an AOL profile, creating a Myspace profile with my Top 8, going on AOL and talking to the most random of people, who sometimes claimed they were only 17 or 18, when they probably were like in their 30s. That was a wild time. I think my mom found out and banned me from using it or something.
23. I miss the wild days of the beginning of the internet. Napster, random nonsensical websites. My early twenties were lit.
24. When I lost my virginity, I called my best friend at the time. It was with a sophomore, and I was a senior. And I kinda was in love but one time at work I tried calling him using the payphone (WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE) and they said he wasn’t there and then I heard he went into the military and didn’t hear from him again.
25. I had an ex-boyfriend who was a freshman and I was a sophomore (why did I chase young guys) and once he was still at my house when my mom came home from work and he hid in my closet for hours, and I snuck him out after my mom went to bed. He got home safe cause he was at school the next day. Then he started seeing my then-best friend and I was betrayed by both of them. Ugh.
26. I once got a ticket for going from one El train car to another. A $50 fine.

Huh...this is all life that’s lived, loved, lost, and is now finding. It’s nice to go back down memory lane and realize I had it good. Even through the shitty parts.

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So, let’s all tap into the part that makes us feel alive again, feel the spark of the person you know you should be, and to show up scared as fuck.

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Love ya. Bye.

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